Ah, the glitzy world of presidential campaigns, where money talks and, apparently, it talks a lot more if you’re Kamala Harris. There’s a new development in the tragi-comedy that is the 2024 presidential race. Vice President Kamala Harris has found herself swimming Scrooge McDuck-style through piles of cash, far outpacing her opponent, former President Donald Trump, in the race to see who can secure the most cheddar for their White House bid.
In a shocking twist that’s surprised absolutely no one, Harris has managed to scoop up a cool $221.8 million in September alone—a figure so large you’d think she was selling NFTs of Trump’s mugshot. This financial feat is more than three times the $63 million Trump managed to collect, proving once again that while money can’t buy happiness, it can certainly buy a lot of campaign ads.
Harris’s fundraising prowess is fueled by events that probably looked more like Hollywood galas than political functions, complete with celebrities who—when not saving the world on screen—are busy saving campaigns from financial mediocrity. Meanwhile, Trump, never one to shy away from a financial challenge, has been left counting his pennies, which, by political standards, are only marginally more useful than thoughts and prayers.
The fascinating charade is set against the backdrop of a race so tight that pollsters must be using dental floss rather than tape measures to gauge it. Both candidates are in a dash to November, and apparently, a giant pile of money is the preferred method of transportation.
The Harris campaign, obviously thrilled to announce their banking bonanza, emphasized that a whopping 95% of their donations were under $200. That’s a lot of people parting with less than the cost of a fancy brunch, proving that grassroots are not just for lawns anymore.
Meanwhile, the Trump campaign, historically adept at turning deficit into rallying cries (remember 2016?), might just see this as yet another opportunity to claim they’re the underdog. And who doesn’t love an underdog, right? Just not one with a taste for toppled democracies and golf resorts.
So, as Harris preps for the next celebrity fundraiser and Trump ruminates on his next groundbreaking rally, the rest of us watch from the sidelines with bated breath and popcorn. Because nothing screams democracy like boatloads of cash and a clash of political titans with egos the size of their campaign budgets. Stay tuned, America—this circus isn’t leaving town anytime soon.
